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Hello. Today I am going to tell about a U.S. Acres special episode that never aired. The episode is called "Queen Lanolin Returns".  After CBS viewed it, 50% of the people at CBS' main headquarters got horrible nightmares that stopped after a week, 20% were sent to a mental institution, 2% of the people comitted suicide or were murdered, and the other 17% had nothing happen to them, but they were just confused about what they were shown.

 

I, myself, have seen this episode. It all started when I was looking on VeeHD for some Garfield and Friends episodes to watch, when this weird one popped up, entitled "Garfield and Friends 8x00-Queen Lanolin Returns". I downloaded the episode and opened the file. The episode started with no intro, oddly. It skipped to a title sequence with the same music that played in Snow Wade when Queen Lanolin (as an old hag) gave Snow Wade a poison apple. The title card showed the old hag Lanolin smiling at the U.S. Acres cast (including Aloysius Pig and Cloe) being afraid of her. We then cut to Orson and friends playing baseball. It appears Orson's team (Orson, Booker, Sheldon, Bo and Roy) won the game against Lanolin's team (Lanolin, Aloysius, Wade, and Cloe). Lanolin is upset her team lost, and wishes things could be positive for her. We then see a flash of red light, and the barn is turned into the kingdom from Snow Wade and everyone turns into their forms as they appeared in the Snow Wade story (Bo's outfit is the peasant version from the second part, and Aloysius became a peasant, too.) Lanolin, who is not transformed unlike the others, then screams very loudly and vanishes. Everyone is worried about what happened to Lanolin. Bo thinks his sister could have been taken away somewhere and is hurt or dead by now.



Then, Queen Lanolin appears. Everyone is suprised, and they yell "Lanolin! You're back!" and start to hug her, but Queen Lanolin slaps them and drags Wade (who is now Snow Wade) and talks to him. "Snow Wade! We meet again! And this time, you're going to die!" Queen Lanolin then did an evil laugh and walked off. Orson then says "What happened to Lanolin? She...became the Wicked Queen! We have to stop her!" Aloysius said "Right! Because she needs to learn a lesson from us!" We then cut to the castle, where the normal Lanolin is crying. She then says "You can't do this to me! I don't want to be trapped with you forever!"  "Shut up, you moron! I am going to kill all your friends because I hate them! I hypnotized your friends to let them think I was really you!" Queen Lanolin said. "And now, I am going to destroy them all!" She did the same evil laugh from earlier and ran off somewhere. Lanolin then yelled "Wait! Come back here! You can't kill my friends! I love them very much!" and then started sobbing. 

 

After this, we cut to Booker, Sheldon, and Cloe chasing worms. Suddenly, Queen Lanolin appeared in her old hag form to them. "Hi there, kids! How about we play together?" she said. She then made a creepy smile and a worm showed up to talk to Booker, Sheldon, and Cloe.  It told them that they shouldn't listen to that "crazy sheep", but the kids still wanted to play with the old hag Lanolin. She said that she found a magical forest with a magical genie who could make any wish come true. She sang a Broadway style showtune about the forest, which was a cute song, but I was laughing because of the old hag Lanolin's accent during the song. The chicks and the old hag Lanolin start walking to the forest, but then, in the middle of their walk, Lanolin pulls out a sword and switches to her evil queen form. "This is the end of the line for you guys! You can only meet this genie if you are killed by me! When you meet him, tell about how beautiful I am! I will be the most fabulous babe!" She said to them. After a violent sequence that ran for a minute, Booker, Sheldon, and Cloe were dead.

 

Next, Queen Lanolin saw Roy. She then said "Hi, bird! I have a present for you!" She then gave Roy a box. Roy thanked Queen Lanolin, and the present appeared to be a new cape for him. Roy thought the cape was nice, however, Queen Lanolin said "I had something better for you. Let's go to the castle to find it." In the castle, she pulled out a torch and yelled "Burn in hell, feather duster!" She did an evil laugh and said "Four down, four to go!" Then, a musical number came on where Lanolin sang a song about how she wants to kill everyone. I found the sequence very disturbing. At the end, after she sang "Everyone's flesh will be mine, on my killing adventure!", she said "And your flesh will be mine, too!" I was scared because Queen Lanolin was going to kill me soon. I paused the video and tried to run out of the house, but my bedroom door was locked. I had no choice but to finish the special episode.

 

The next shot had a wheel, similar to the one Aloysius used to plan the fall schedule in Kiddie Korner, with 4 different panels, each with writing on them. The panels said "Nightmare", "Death", "Insane", and "No Effect". A dart landed on Death for some reason. Then, it appeared Bo, Orson, Snow Wade, and Aloysius were at the cottage of the 77 dwarves. Just as the remaning main characters were going to leave the cottage, old hag Lanolin appeared and said "Magic apple, dear friends?" Everyone except for Aloysius got an apple. Bo, Orson, and Snow Wade said "Uh oh, we're doomed! Ooohoohoohoo!" Then, a dwarf said "No, I'm Doomed!" Then, they fell to the ground and blood was coming out of them. The old hag Lanolin turned back to the Evil Queen form, laughed, took Aloysius, and said "Hey, Aloysius, do you want to marry me?"  Aloysius said yes, and Queen Lanolin went to the castle with him. Then, we hear Aloysius screaming like he did in Kiddie Korner when he got hit with the pies, and the episode ended.

 

Today, I tried to look for the episode on my laptop, but it was gone. I am writing this because as I type this, the old hag Lanolin is in my house doing the evil smile from the episode, stabbing me while doing the evil laugh like she did when

 

HAHAHAHA! I'm Queen Lanolin, and I had to say, that girl wasn't that lucky. She revealed about MY SECRET PILOT for a show where I try to become the most fabulous babe! If you stumble upon me, you won't survive! Try to beat me, but you won't win against my wicked queen powers! AHAHAHAHAHA!

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