||FAIL OF THE MONTH (January 2015)
How I Met a Terrible Fate
Some say the Nintendo 64 is one of the best systems ever made by Nintendo. I would agree with those people. That is, as long as they're not referring to a Nintendo 64 I stumbled across one day.
While on a vacation, I was in a small township one day that I had never visited before. I saw a green building called "Antique Shop." Generic, right? I noticed a GameCube and a copy of Ikargua in the window, so I decided to visit the shop. I asked the shopkeeper what video games he sold, and he claimed to sell Super NES and GameCube titles in the back. I don't own a Super NES, and looking through the first GameCube titles, all I saw were some sports titles and that Aquaman game everyone hates. What's the GameCube doing with antiques anyway?! Seems disrespectful...
I was about ready to give up on this store when I saw what looked like the box to a game console. I reached for it, and it was a Nintendo 64 box. Yet, something was different. Somebody had slapped a Post-It note on the box that said, "TERROR." It was put over the Tendo so that the name was now, "Ninterror 64." The box felt suprisingly light, almost as if the box was empty.
I decided that I would buy the box so I could carry my Nintendo 64 in a box instead of a Barnes & Noble tote bag. When I gave the box to the clerk, all he did was frown and say it was $2. Apparently, the same person who thinks the GameCube is a thing of the past also likes to charge for an empty box. That is, I thought it was empty.
When I brought it to the hotel room, I got my regular Nintendo 64 and opened the box. I was shocked to find an actual Nintendo 64 console, controller, cable setup, and a copy of Super Mario 64 in the box! Why it felt so light when carrying it home, I have no idea. I compared the two Nintendo 64s, which both looked the same. Then I saw the back of the consoles, where the Nintendo Customer Service number is. While I can't remember the real number of the hotline, I rember the Ninterror 64's number was a different phone number: 1-100-116-3527.
I decided to play the copy of SM64 that came with "The Fun Machine." I noticed there was a file in File A that showed 113 Stars. I opened a new file in File B. Everything was how it should be until I decided to open the castle door. It was locked. I kept running towards the door, but nothing happened. After two and a half minutes, it finally opened. The worst was yet to come.
Written by Cannonfodder64