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The Room
Tommy Wiseau underwear
Tommy Wiseau was scary enough, but when I found this, I was terrified. I guess I should clarify. My name is Martin Sparks, and I'm a huge fan of bad movies. I've seen them all, from "Grown Ups" to "Grown Ups II". But my personal favorite bad movie is "The Room", directed, produced, written, and starring Tommy Wiseau. It has corny sex scenes, terrible acting, piss poor editing, and an inconsistent plot. But then, I found the uncut version. Oh God.

It started normal for the first half hour, but then it randomly cut back to the scene where Tommy walks around with a bare ass. I shielded my eyes for the scene, but I was confused on what exactly happened. I sat through another half hour, and you could hear Tommy Wiseau's voice, but it was backwards! I played it back, and it said in a threatening tone, "Buy Tommy Wiseau underwear!". At this point, I was scared out of my damn mind. How could it get worse than subliminal advertising? Well, it got worse.

There was an extended sex scene! Yes, this time, there is 15 MINUTES of Tommy fucking Lisa's bellybutton. I started to feel my eyes burning at this point, because it looked so terrible. How could somebody make a sex scene look cheap looking? The rest of the movie was normal, until the last line - "Remember Marty boy, watch my sitcom, The Neighbors!". I stayed up all night in fear of Tommy himself breaking into my room and trying to sell me things.

And sadly, I burned the copy. No, I definitely didn't make any of this up...

Tommy Wiseau is the DEVIL!

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