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NOTE: THIS IS THE FIRST PART OF THE TRILOGY.

Before I begin, I should say that I was an intern at GSC Game World. YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT IT? Your problem.

Now onto the story.

During my work time at GSC, before S.T.A.L.K.E.R. Shadow of Chernobyl was about to be released, I noticed the game build that looks, feels and tastes like the final release, but has the old and scrapped content, like driving a car, old maps and stuff. But it had a weird name. It was named:

S.T.A.L.K.E.R. Cheeki Breeki.

I know it sounds funny (I laughed at it), but it's almost universally weird that the game which is focused on survival in an no man's land is named like that.

WHATEVER. I WANTED TO PLAY THE GAME BECAUSE I LIEK S.T.A.L.K.E.R. AND I LOVE CHEEKI BREEKI!

Biggest mistake of my life.

I stole the disc from my boss, and took it home, put the disc in my computer and installed it.

I started the game and a bandit image came on screen saying: "Do you want to be cheeki breekied?"

Cheeki breeki i v damke by aryabeta-d7d8smq

The cheeki breeki bandit.

I had 10.999876 seconds to answer it, but I pressed "Yes". The weird stuff came when I was transported to the game right away.

Even more weirdness came when instead of playing as a loner, I was playing as a bandit.

I checked the inventory and found some stuff:

- A playboy magazine (WTF?)

- A makarov pistol

- Vodka

- And a bandit suit.

I spawned in Dark Valley, with no task available on my PDA. I found out that I can talk to my bandit buddies, but all they were saying was "CHEEKI BREEKI I V DAMKE". I found that strange.

I wanted to see if there was X18 lab, and right after I came to that territory, the PDA beeped with a new task. I checked it and saw the "The Conspiracy: Stop the cheeki breeki conspiracy".

The arrow on the map pointed to X18, so I ran to it right away. I saw the monolith soldiers and I wanted to shoot them but they were neutral when I pointed the gun at them. Didn't want to break that neutrality, huh?

I got inside the lab, and I found the dead body laying close to closet. I approached it and checked it. There was an what seemed like an AKM with a Grenade Launcher titled just "cheeki breeki".

I picked up the gun and the game became crazy. Everything in the game was called "cheeki breeki": Characters, guns, and even the tasks.

I thought it was just a bug, and continued. I found those cheeki breeki every fucking where. On the walls, written with blood, on the cars... It was driving me crazy.

I got my first enemy to kill. The mutant, snork, with an face of... Nicolas Cage?

I killed him very quickly. But more and more of these snorks came and the game crashed. Instead of the Bugtrap screen, cheeki breeki was written instead. EVERYTHING WAS IN CHEEKI BREEKI! The icons on the desktop, start button on my windows,... Everything!

Xr cop screen 006 1680w

snork whit the nicolas caeg face

END OF THE FIRST PART.

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