by James Davidson (SirShwibert)
It all started with that game that I found on eBay. It was a Super Nintendo cartridge with with what appeared to be the regular Super Mario World label on it. However, the listed title of the item was "Don't buy this, it will eat you like a french fry!" & the seller's username was "AnOldGuyWhoRecentlyLostHisSon", I didn't think this was weird so I bought the game anyway. A few days passed & the package arrived. Inside was the game, a note, a rubber chicken & a vile of blood. So far nothing out of the ordinary. I tried to eat the rubber chicken but it wasn't very tasty so I read the note instead.
"Don't play this game, whatever you do! I think it killed my son & my wife & my dog & my goldfish! It is not safe! I guess I could've just destroyed it but, I sold it because that's how these stories work right? Anyway, have fun! Enjoy, that typical creepy old guy who sells haunted games."
"An interesting note!" I said to myself! "But, I don't have a goldfish so I should be fine". I took the game and put it in my Super Nintendo. Then I got myself a plate of cheetos & started playing. The title screen appeared normal except, instead of saying "Super Mario World" the title screen said "Blurgy Blurgy Dead stuff Blurgy Blurgy" & the background was a picture of Mario & Luigi swimming in a lake of blood. I thought nothing of it & started the game. Mario was immediately eaten alive by a giant lizard-fish thing but, then the game started normally & I entered Yoshi's Island 1.
The sky was an interesting shade of chartreuse & the ground was covered in blood & skulls. The Koopas were replaced by Dry Bones & the bullet bills looked like hyper-realistic bullets. This was kind of odd but I shrugged it off & continued on. When I beat the level a screen of Mario was shown but, he was crying & one of his feet & a hand were missing. "Poor Mario" I thought. I didn't care for long though because after all I found a disturbing easter egg in a Mario game after all. "What a find!" I said as I took a picture. I would show you the picture but I accidentaly ate the memory card while gardening.
I continued on to Yoshi's Island 2 where everything was just as strange. When I encountered Yoshi his sprite was obviously changed. It was a hyper-realistic rubber chicken that looked exactly like the one that shipped with the game. I thought it was weird. I reached the end where another screen of Mario was shown. However, this time in addition to the earlier changes, his hat was gone & so was his left arm. Blood was everywhere! Mario was crying blood & his arm was spurting blood. After the screen was gone some text popped up saying "I'm a friend of Slendy & he is not amused". This had to be the strangest thing yet, how could a game from 1991 know about Slendy? "Whatevs" I thought to myself & pressed on.
I beat another level, this time only Mario's head remained. His eyes were out of their sockets rolling on the bloody ground. The pupils were red & the other part was black! His eye sockets were bleeding & his face was a ghostly white. Text appeared above him said, "I shall eat your puppy in the future!" I thought this was weird as I didn't have a puppy nor did I ever plan to get one. The weirdest part however was the fact that in the background was a hyper-realistic image of my second cousin eight times removed, Billy-Bobfred! It just so happens that earlier that week he had choked to death on a rubber chicken! It all made sense now, I grabbed the cartridge & smashed it. Then I threw the remainder at a random passing car. I still don't understand why they glared at me.
I went to the kitchen to get myself some more cheetos to help me calm down. When I came back to my room the cartridge was back in the Super Nintendo! I knew I had to beat the game! After a long time & alot of increasingly weird, disturbing & hilarious messages I made it to Bowser! Except, his helicopter was a hyper-realistic Hind & he was just a regular looking soldier. Nevertheless I destroyed the Hind & beat the game. Then the screen went black & I heard a sizzly sound. The Cartridge had dissapeared & in it's place was delicious bacon! I grabbed the bacon & put in on a plate but, before I could eat it, I noticed that there was a Yoshi Plushy on my bed, except it's eyes were black & red. Then it killed me, the end.