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Fiddeh

I'm what y'all call a collecta of bootleg pokemon games yall damn mothafuckas. I’ve been able ta find most of tha ones dat I’ve played online yo, but there’s one dat I haven’t peeped any mention of cause some CRAZY shit be in it idiotaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! I looted it five muthafuckin years ago at some gay ass flea market fo wiggers when i went all up in there wit mah boyz and was all like "GIMME ALL YO DAMN SHIT. I AIN'T TALKIN BOUT CHICKEN AND GRAVY BIATCH!" Here’s a picture of tha cartridge, up in case mah playas recognizes dat shit. Unfortunately, when I moved two muthafuckin years ago, I lost tha game, so I can’t provide you wit any o dem fuckin screencaps. So yall damn honkeys hoo wont believe any damn fuckin thang without any proof, yall can just fuck right off now bitch.

Da game started wit tha familiar Nidorino n' OGngar intro of Red n' Blue version. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. But fuck dat shiznit yo, tha word on tha street is dat tha "press start" screen had been fucked the hell up. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Red was there yo, all standin like a mothafuckin OG, but he wuz wearin a goddamn backwardz baseball cap goddamn dats so gangsta. but tha Pokemon did not cycle all up but I think it's cause I gots dem finger-lickin' chickens wit tha siz-auce and spilled tha fuckin siz-auce on tha dam gameboy. Well shiiiit. It also holla'd "Pokemang Creepizzle Blak" under tha Pokemon logo.

Upon selectin "New Game", tha game started tha Pimp Oak speech, n' it quickly became evident dat tha game was essentially Pokemon Red Version.

After selectin yo' starter, if you looked at yo' Pokemon, you had up in addizzle ta Bulbasaur, Charmander, or Squirtle another Pokemon -- "Brutha wit a sheet all ova hiz dam head".

Da Pokemon was a fuckin piece of shit idiot, he be level 1. Well shiiiit. it had tha sprite of tha Ghosts dat is encountered up in Lavender Tower before obtainin tha Sliph Scope. Well shiiiit, it had one damn powa -- "Kurse". I know dat there be a real move named Kurse yo, but tha battle did not exist up in Generation 1, so it appears dat shiznit was jacked in by some god damn foo hoo knowz how 2 do dat dam shit.

Defendin Pokemang was unable ta battle Brutha with a sheet all ova hiz damn heaed -- it would only say they was too scared ta move. When tha move "Kurse" was used up in battle, tha screen would cut ta black. Da cry of tha representin' Pokemang would be heard yo, but dat shiznit was distorted, played at a much lower pitch than normal. "It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack" I thought ta myself, since I ain't scared a nuthn. Da battle screen would then reappear, n' tha representin' Pokemang would be gone. If used up in a funky-ass battle against a trainer, when tha Pokeballs representin they Pokemang would step tha fuck up in tha corner, they would have one fewer Pokeball.

I thought dat ment dat "Brutha wit a sheet all ova hiz dam head" pulled out a goddam 8-balla cocaine and said "FUCK YO SHIT IDIOT" Den he snorted up all that goddamn powder sheet and pulled out a goddam clock 9mm and a fuckin baseball bat and a goddamn switchblade and a god fucking damn garrote. and some big ass brass knuckles. Den he shot up da pokemang and u no wat happen next.

What’s even stranger is dat afta defeatin a trainer n' seein "Red received $200 fo' winning!", tha battle commandz would step tha fuck up again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch, I meen da dam traner would step up and ya could blast him up. If you selected "Run", tha battle would end as it normally do. Yo ass could also select Kurse. If you did, upon returnin ta tha overworld, tha trainer’s sprite would be gone fo' realz. After leavin n' reenterin tha area, tha spot [where] tha trainer had been would be replaced wit a tombstone like tha ones at Lavender Tower.

Da move "Kurse" was not usable up in all instances. It would fail against total fuckin PIMPS like ghost pokemangs. It would also fail if dat shiznit was used against trainers dat you gotta have a damn shootout with again, like yo' fuckin Rival or Giovanni. Dat shiznit was usable up in yo' final battle against them, however.

I figured dis was tha gimmick of tha game, allowin you ta use dem Ghosts u cant hit with a damn pokeball fo' realz. And cuz Kurse made tha game so easia den a damn fatass ho, I essentially used it all up in tha whole adventure.

Da game chizzled like a lil' bit afta defeatin tha Elite Four fo' realz. After viewin tha Hall o Pimp Ass Idiots, which consisted of Brutha with a sheet all ova his dam head n' a Wiggas I used fo' HM`s, tha screen cut ta black fo' realz. A box rocked up wit tha lyrics "Yo eitha a god dam foo, or a brave ass idiot if you been playin dis far. So I'll let yo stupid dum muthafuckin ass see what happenz like gazillions o yearz lateh…" It then cut ta Lavender Tower n' shiznit fo' realz. An oldschool playa was standing, lookin at tombstones. Den my ass realized dis playa was yo' character.

Da playa moved at only half of yo' aiiight struttin speed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Yo ass no longer had any Pokemon wit you, not even Ghost, whoz ass up ta dis point had been impossible ta remove from yo' jam all up in depositin up in tha PC. Da overworld was entirely empty -- there was no playas at all. There was still tha tombstonez of tha trainers dat you used Curse on, however n' shit. Yo ass could go pretty much anywhere up in tha overworld at dis point, though yo' movement was limited by tha fact dat you had no Pokemangz ta use HMs fo' realz. And regardless of where you went, tha noize of Gangsta's Paradise continued on a infinite loop fo' realz. After wanderin fo' a while, I found dat if you go all up in Diglett’s Cave, one of tha cuttable bushes dat normally blocks tha path on tha other side is no longer there, allowin you ta advizzle n' return ta Pallet Hood.

Upon enterin yo' doggy den n' goin ta tha exact tile where you start tha game, tha screen would cut ta black.

Then a sprite of a Caterpie rocked up. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Dat shiznit was tha replaced by a Weedle, n' then a Pidgey. I soon realized, as tha Pokemon progressed from Rattata ta Blastoise, dat these was all of tha Pokemon dat I had used Kurse on.

After tha end of mah Rival’s crew, a Youngsta rocked up, n' then a Bug Catcher n' shit. These was tha trainers I had Kursed.

Throughout tha sequence, Gangsta's Paradise was playin yo, but dat shiznit was slowly decreasin up in pitch. By tha time yo' Rival rocked up on screen, dat shiznit was lil mo' than a thugged-out demonic rumble.

Another cut ta black fo' realz. A few moments later, tha battle screen suddenly rocked up -- yo' trainer sprite was now dat of a oldschool dude, tha same one as tha one whoz ass teaches you how tha fuck ta catch Pokemon up in Viridian Hood.

Brutha with a bag ova his dam head showed up on tha other side, along wit tha lyrics "Brutha with a sheet ova his dam head wants ta fight!".

Yo ass couldn’t use items, n' you had no Pokemon. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. If you tried ta run, you couldn’t escape. Da only option was "FIGHT".

Usin fight would immediately cause you ta use Struggle, which didn’t affect Brutha with a sheet ova his dam head but did chip off a lil' bit of yo' own HP. When it wuz Brutha with a sheet ova his dam head’s turn ta attack, it would cut ta dis dam hyperrealiztik vidya of Brutha with a sheet ova his dam head curbstompin yo dam playa. Y'all KNOW that shit, mothafucka! Eventually, when Brutha with a sheet ova his dam head wuz dun curbstompin ya, Brutha with a sheet ova his dam head would finally use Kurse.

Da screen cut ta black a gangbangin' final time.

Regardless of tha buttons you pressed, you was permanently stuck up in dis black screen. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch fo' realz. At dis point, tha only thang you could do was turn tha Game Boy off. When you played again, "NEW GAME" was tha only option -- tha game had erased tha file.

I played all up in dis jacked game many, nuff times, n' every last muthafuckin time tha game ended wit dis sequence. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Several times I didn’t use Brutha with a sheet ova his dam head at all, though dat idiot was impossible ta remove from tha party. In these cases, it did not show any Pokemangs or trainers n' simply cut ta tha climactic battle wit Brutha with a sheet ova his dam head.

I’m not shizzle what tha fuck tha motives was behind tha creator of dis hack. Well shiiiit, it wasn’t widely distributed, so dat shiznit was presumably not fo' monetary gain. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Dat shiznit was straight-up well done fo' a funky-ass bootleg.

It seems da thug was tryin ta convey a message; though it seems I be tha sole receiver of dis message. I’m not entirely shizzle what tha fuck dat shiznit was -- tha inevitabilitizzle of deth, biatch? Da pointlessnizz of it, biatch? Perhaps da thug was simply tryin ta morbidly inject deth n' darknizz tha fuck into a cold-ass lil children’s game. Regardless, dis children’s game has made me think, n' it has made me cry like a lil bitch.


And then a muthafuckin skeleton popped out, nyucka!

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