This is the tale of Mr. Something: The Super Evil Guy.
He was a "Jeff The Killer" wannabe, and wanted to be like Jeff in every way. One day he tried to make himself look like Jeff. He began by carving a smile into his face. He got a knife and went to the bathroom of his apartment. Mr. Something was a bit nervous, but he began eventually. He stuck his knife at the corner of his mouth. He was about to begin carving. But suddenly, his cell phone rang. Like a dumbass, he answered the call...While holding the knife in his mouth.
To make this even more stupid, Mr. Something began talking to his friend like this. But then, the knife fell out of his mouth's grasp. Then he began choking on It. Luckily for him, his friend heard him choking on the phone. His friend called 911 and said that Mr. Something was choking. He gave them his address, and the Rescue Squad were on their way. When they got to his apartment, they tried to get the knife out of his throat as they drove and got to the hospital. They managed to save his life, but the knife damaged his throat greatly.
When he got home to his apartment, he lost interest in carving the smile. But he still wanted to be like Jeff, so he tried to bleach his skin.
It was a while since Mr. Something read the "Jeff The Killer" story, and he forgot how Jeff did It. So he tried this: he poured gasoline on his face and lit a match.....Yeah, I know, he's a fucking dipshit.
After the incident, he passed out. He woke up In the hospital, but he couldn't see anything. At first he thought he was blind, but then he realised he had bandages wrapped around his head. He took his bandages off without the doctors permission. When he saw himself, his skin wasn't white and pale, his skin was black and crisp. After he saw himself, he just left the hospital. No one really seemed to care about him just walking out.
By time he got home, he didn't want to continue this Jeff "makeover" anymore. But he tried one last thing, burning his eyes open.
He walked outside and looked at the sun for about 54 minutes.
But of course, It didn't work. The idiot blinded himself. Also, no one came to help him this time.
The poor bastard just sat there on the ground and screamed two words...