ONCE UPON A TIME...
Jeff The Killer was in his lair reading the newspaper, when all of a sudden he heard a loud crash coming from his kitchen. To his horror, his jar of pickled human eyes had been hurled out of the refrigerator and smashed to pieces. All that hard work, RUINED! He got a towel and started to clean it up when he once again heard the sound of glass breaking, coming from near the couch. This time it was his bottle of scotch that had been destroyed. Smiledog couldn't have done it. He was tied up outside, wasn't he?
He started to go outside to check, but then he felt something hard brush against his legs. He looked down. His pants now had tears in them, and tiny colorful shards of glass were on the floor. He lifted his leg to step over them, and then an iridescent, jagged THING zipped under his foot. Before he could react, he stepped on it.
"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! SHIT! FUCK! COCK! PISS!" he screamed as pain exploded through his foot. The creature's spikes went straight through the sole of his sneaker, and embedded themselves in his foot. He lifted his foot again, and pulled off his sneaker, which now had large holes in it. Shit, he was bleeding pretty badly. The creature shifted position, and lapped at the blood that was pooling around Jeff's foot. Enraged, Jeff pulled out his knife and prepared to stab the freak's fucking eyes out. The beast reared up, hissed at him, and ran away.Jeff picked the shards out of his foot, and wrapped it in a clean towel. He was REALLY mad now. He reached into his closet and got out the sledgehammer. He limped back into the living room, and looked around for the little bastard. Without warning, it pounced on him from behind and bit his leg, its razor-sharp little teeth sinking into his flesh and drawing blood.
Jeff swung the hammer at it wildly, but he wound up smashing his good foot. He dropped to the ground, screaming in agony. The monster let go of his leg and ran away, but before it slipped out the door, he swore he could see it blowing him a raspberry with a tongue made of beads. He heard Smiledog barking at it wildly as it dashed through his front yard.
That little fucker had made a fool out of him. Even if it took the rest of his life, he was gonna track it down and break it into a million peices, his killing schedule be damned.
But first, he had to wait. It would take at least three days for his broken bones and impaled foot to fully regenerate. Thankfully, he still had a wheelchair around which he kept as a trophy from one of his kills, so he could get around till then. No self-respecting serial killer would be seen stalking people in a wheelchair, so he decided it would be best if he stayed at home in the meantime.
Unbeknownst to him, a strange, round, floating, tentacled figure had been silently observing Jeff through his windows the entire time. "Yes," thought the Balloonatic to himself, "phase one went perfectly..."
Written by Furbearingbrick.