Monday: I farted.
Tuesday: Who cut the cheese?
Wednesday: This is pointless! The Rake is going to f_ck me! HELP!!!
Thursday: Stop picking my boogers, Phil!
Friday: Smokin smokin weed.
Saturday: I need new pants.
(Here's an idea, why don't we make an ongoing poop together, just add to it where the other person leaves off. See what direction it takes us )
I found the craziest thing last night, it was a huge shit about a foot in diameter, smooth to the touch. it was obviously liquid/solid, so I ate it.
Jack on and off at spastic rates. It was somewhat frightening, but it wasn't too big a deal, so I just left it in my backyard and went out and nabbed it this morning. Its got these weird glyphic symbols on the side, I wish I could read this poo.
I'm debating on whether or not to show anyone It, It's really odd, the way it doesn't just sit there on the ground, it looms. The poo spreads around, but it's so random and spontaneous I never can catch it and observe it. I feel like maybe I should try and get in contact with some museums or some sort of scientific groups, to get some professional opinions on it, but honestly, I wouldn't mind just keeping it to myself, so it's always mine, no one else deserves to see it except me anyway, I found it. Its mine... MINE! SMEAGHL!!!
I've been having diarrhea. Anyway, I killed my daughter because she talked to me. ur next, kiddie
I don't think I can take it much longer. The strength of the shit is getting much too strong for me. It's now too big to carry, even in a backpack. The electronics all around the neighborhood are going crazy because of the fecal matter. I really wish I had the guts to tell someone but, I have no guts, like a mad transvestite. I dont want to try any more. It's just too smelly. Maybe if I eat tomatoes a with my neck... yes... I think that will relieve my stress, and set me free from my cage at the petting zoo.
I don't know how long ago I lost consciousness. I just have the same two problems running through my head.
"Can I trust Scumbag Steve?" and, "Is this real life??"
The last thing I remember is feeding the tomatoes to the sphere and then lavendar towen theme started playing.
Maybe the shit is a gateway to some other world. I don't even know anymore...
I...I finally decited to eat the rest of this poo away. That thing is infecting me.
I GOT AIDS since I ate that god damn fecal matter
Am I retarded? How do I divide by zero? For now I can assume this shit is definitely not of this world.
I'm starting to die.
Yesterday, I contracted a disease called instantus's death.
A note has been found in a room.
"Sanic, Sonixxx, Kermixxx, Squidwarxxx, Patrixxx, and Spongeboxxx were here."
After reading the note, We found another note we think was mentioned in this log. As we put it in our car, to transport it to the station, our sirens started going off, and my partner keeps swearing he's seeing something. As we drive, I sit writing this, and In case I don't make it back, LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE... He's here... The T.V. Repair guy.
Officer N. Gladidksi
BIRD PLANE NOPE ENGIE
Monday April 1st 7:15 AM
Police Recorder Monday April 1st 8:05 PM
Officer R. DirtyLimerick
"We came across the missing man who was alive, but then I got scared and hit him with a car and Jeffery exploded me so I got fired.
Officer K. Evans
Police Report Tuesday April 2nd 12:34 PM
Officer ANTONIO BANDERAS
Police Report Wednesday April 3rd 8:54 AM
Officer R. Mayo
I got a tomatoe
Police Report Wednesday April 3rd 12:21 PM
Officer R. Mayo
- Cocking of an unknown weapon* HAHA COCKING LOLOLOL
Police Report Wednesday October 31st 6:54 PM
Officer R. Mayo
Police Report Thursday November 1st 7:25 PM
Officer R. Mayo
OMG ITS MAN WITH A BAG AND PATRIXXX NOOO!!
Officer Sh. It
I died and so did Mr. Mayo so haha
Patrick Stewart appeared and brought me back to life! (He's a necromancer, didn't you get the memo?) But then Jeff The Killer popped out of mah toilet brandishing a zanpakutō and Evil Chelnoxxx was throwing fireballs at me! NOW WHAT DO I DO
Officer K Evans.
\I'm walking on sunshine, i'm walking on sunshine!
Wait, who knocked on my door and who is phone
Heron: I was phone! *a heron beak comes out of his phone* *officer Evans drops the phone, freaked out*
The knocking is getting louder, and oh christ I think I stepped on broken glass!
Officer R. DirtyLimerick The following note by Officer K. Evans was the last note he wrote. Police found him lying in a puddle of blood and broken glass. As a sidenote, Officer Gladidski has tourettes and might be writing again soon.
Officer N. Gladidski
WE FOUND THE SHIT IT'S SCARY AND WHEN WE FOUND IT OFFICER DIRTYLIMERICK F_CKED IT! DIE B_TCH AHAHAHAA F_CK!
Officer O. Fficer
Gladidski and DirtyLimerick are dead. It was New Years Eve 2011. During the count down, a brief image of Patrixxx was seen. Reporters there at the time say "What an ugly Starfish." Shortly after, screaming and blood was heard at the Police Station. DirtyLimerick and Gladidski were still on the case about a second ago. But I recieved a text message from Gladidski saying they had finished and started a case on Evil Captain Bawyer and Ninja Herobrine's relation to the huge crap the original subject had found. He also said DirtyLimerick would call me and they wanted me back at the station. I was walking, and sure enough, Dirty called me. He was starting to tell me the details when suddenly intense screaming came up and the screen turned on. I saw Dirty and Gladidski laying in a pool of blood. A blurry note was seen, but as the phone slipped off the side of Dirty, I had a better view.
"The Glass Beast was Here." OH NO. HE CALLED ME A HOLLABACK GIRL.
Suddenly I heard low buzzing behind me. I turned around and there was Jeff The Killer. No, wait. It LOOKED like him at first but as he got closer I could see he had pink eyes, enlarged forearms, claws that seemed to be extentions of his fingers, a tail that ended in a two-pronged black stinger, and four blood-red, dragonfly-like wings sticking out of his back. Its claws were soaked in blood.
And soon, more of them came through the door. Dozens and dozens of the horrific creatures. Panicking, I fired my gun at them. They dropped like flies when shot, but there always seemed to be more of them. Soon I was surrounded and out of ammo.
They tied me to a chair, and one of them stepped forward. This one looked different from the rest; it had an eyepatch, batlike wings instead of insect-like ones, and four arms. It was carrying an ornate pillow, on which was sitting...well, it looked like some sort of tiny, four-armed mutant baby with Jeff The Killer's face, only with HUGE pink eyes and that same stinger-tipped tail. The small creature spoke with a surprisingly loud voice. "You're pretty smart...FOR A HUMAN! A pity you had to interfere with my plans."
"Don't play dumb with me, smelly ape. I know you were trying to uncover my plot to put laxatives in the city's water supply so that humans would be too bloated and miserable to stop my troops. Well, now you're going to become my slave! Jack, place me on his neck."
Suddenly, a tall shape passed by the window. It looked like an extremely tall, thin man wearing a top hat and a black three-peice suit with multicolored dots on it, but I couldn't make out his face. The small creature hissed. "CURSES! It's him! Evacuate! Evacuate!"
The Jeff-creatures scrambled out of the building. The tall man came closer and closer to the window. My heart was racing. Whoever or whatever this man was, he was powerful enough to scare those monsters away. Now I could make out his face...or was it actually his face? It looked like a painted-on smiley face.
He opened the window and climbed in. He had extremely long black clawed fingers, and tentacles with brass ball bells at the ends of them sprouted out of his back. He came right up to me and said, in an eerie, otherworldly voice...
"Hey, would you like a balloon?"