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Badtimes Virus

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This just in :  NEW VIRUS WARNING

If you receive an e-mail with a subject line of "Badtimes," delete it
immediately WITHOUT reading it.  This is the most dangerous Email virus yet.

It will re-write your hard drive.  Not only that, but it will scramble any
disks that are even close to your computer.  It will recalibrates your
refrigerator's coolness setting so all your ice cream melts and milk curdles.
It will demagnetize the strips on all your credit cards, reprogram your
ATM access code, screw up the tracking on your VCR and use subspace field
harmonics to scratch any CDs you try to play.

It will give your ex-boy/girlfriend your new phone number. It will mix
antifreeze into your fish tank.  It will drink all your beer and leave its
dirty socks on the coffee table when there's company coming over. It will
hide your car keys when you are late for work and interfere with your car
radio so that you hear only static while stuck in traffic.

Badtimes will make you fall in love with a hardened pedophile.  It will give
you nightmares about circus midgets.  It will replace your shampoo with Nair
and your Nair with Rogaine, all while dating your current boy/girlfriend
behind your back and billing their hotel rendezvous to your Visa card.

It will seduce your grandmother.  It does not matter if she is dead, such is
the power of Badtimes, it reaches out beyond the grave to sully those things
we hold most dear.

Badtimes will give you Dutch Elm disease. It will leave the toilet seat up
and leave the hairdryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub. It
will remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows,
and refill your skim milk with whole.

It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and terrifying to behold.

It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve.

These are just a few signs.

Be afraid.  Be very, very afraid.

Some variations close with this:

Listen to me. Badtimes does not exist.

        It cannot do anything to you. But I can. I am sending this
message to everyone in the world. Tell your friends, tell your
family. If anyone else sends me another E-mail about this fake
Badtimes Virus, I will turn hating them into a religion. I will do
things to them that would make a horsehead in your bed look like
Easter Sunday brunch.
NOTE: This is a parody of the old "Goodtimes" virus hoax.
Sick-computer

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